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how i feel like whenever i'm writing an essay in school

considered the theory that the basis of my problem with school work is low esteem, self or otherwise. enter an exam or test already feeling beaten, never really feel inspired anymore and the ideas don't come. and a lot of things that are somewhere in my head that could probably be useful don't surface because somewhere along the line i stopped valuing anything much and nothing seems good enough. i have tendencies of being a bit of a perfectionist if i feel like i can't do something well i won't even start on it. just look at all the blank scripts. and whatever it is that i may actually be able to do now subconsciously i don't acknowledge because it's not good enough never good enough equates to nothing

but it's heartening to hear from people that they believe in me, yes all three of you (lol,) especially since one was a teacher. well he didn't say it explicitly, but when he said he wasn't worried despite my tragic bt2 grades i realised other people do see something here where i sometimes fail to.

alright off to get shit sorted out i guess