∅

and of course i am awake at 4am

random thoughts:
you are thoroughly unpleasant
throwing caution to the wind
starting to look like a joke
no better friend than the country esquire

random thoughts interrupted by sound of grandfather's explosive diarrhea

why do i feel like my entire future has been determined in some alternative dimension when the idea contradicts the very beliefs that mould my thinking

something like what christians refer to as god's plan. only i don't subscribe to that school of thought.

a bit fucking confusing when intuition doesn't match tangible thought

fuck this. the feeling that once you make a plan, anything but that will happen. this is not the case. you can get whatever you want, you just have to want it badly enough. badly enough to drive you to do whatever it takes, step by step, just because the want is so intense it becomes a need.

and if you don't get it in the end. comfort yourself with the knowledge that it wasn't a need. (because if it was, you'd have it. simple as that.)