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bought a new body scrub today and it smells like a chocolate twinkie

yum

yesterday when i tried to cancel my order after realising that i didn't have my wallet with me i found that i am on ”不用紧，明天还“ terms with the drink stall auntie

starting to feel like as long as i'm staying in this society i'll never be anything more than a digit. shalom. and therefore no matter how high the value, in the larger scheme of things, am completely irrelevant

don't know what i'm pursuing anymore. very lost. and worried. i worry. and despite what people tell me and despite what i rationally decide to be correct there is instilled in me by current experience a fear of making decisions based on sentimentality, on heart. i can't tell which i want, or need, more. perhaps either way i'll find fulfillment? i tell myself i want an education. but am i being idealistic here? i told him i'd given up on education in singapore, that i was resigned to being numbed more so than i can imagine. this tiny hope of being able to revert that - is it unfounded? will i find myself feeling exactly the same as i do now, looking back in regret? i told her i feel too much. in spite of all. and keeping it up is too tiring, i wish i didn't feel, i wish i didn't love.

think of you and the balcony when i listen to beach house